Cocktails for the New Millennium
Note: The Management has been advised to include a disclaimer about the risks of drinking any alcoholic beverages (much less these ones). We're supposed to inform you that alcohol may cause liver disease, impair your ability to operate motor vehicles, and lead to birth defects. But frankly, we don't care about your health, you're already a bad driver, and we're pretty sure your children would be ugly. In all honesty, we loathe you. So please enjoy:
Cocktails for the New Millennium: The Next Millennium, not this one.
The Mali-Booyah!
* One jigger coconut rum
* One bottle NyQuil
Serve chilled if you have a temperature, warm for a cold. Either way, it's the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so-you-will-never-wake-up-again-and-realize-you're-gonna-die-alone medicine.
Planter's Punch
*2 jiggers Jamaica rum
*1 jigger lime juice
*1/2 jigger simple syrup
*One slave of the Negro persuasion
Why don't you have your slave mix you up a nice punch while you sit on the verandah, you cold-blooded bastard? My God! How do you sleep at night? You sicken me.
The Morning Perk
* One pot black coffee
* One handful Percocet
When you're trying really hard to wake up, only to find you have no reason to.
Slow, Slutty, Double Entendre
* One Sorority Pledge
* 6 pitchers of some sickenly sweet, pink alcoholic mixture (no less than 80 proof)
* One tiny paper parasol
Feed the pledge the pink stuff. Have sex with her.
What? The little umbrella? Just throw that away, dude. Those things are totally gay.
The Vic-ano
* One Liter Vodka
* 12oz Tabasco
* One refillable prescription for Vicodin
Drink the Vodka. Take a lot of Vicodin. Try to talk one of your friends into drinking the Tabasco. Tell him he's a fag if he doesn't. If he asks why you aren't drinking it then, if you're such a non-fag, tell him it's 'cause you're already too spicy, and his mom knows that's the truth, hell yeah, muthafucka, you know what I'm talkin' about. Aww, snap.
The Flaming Homo
* One pint Homogenized Milk
* One match
Light the milk on fire.
What do you mean, "How?" I don't know...fuckin' lighter fluid or something. Do I have to do everything around here? Jesus Christ, you're useless. Just useless.
Bloody Virgin Mary
* Ruphynol
* One 12 year old Catholic School girl
No, you didn't just read that. Move on.
Gin Rummy
* One bottle Gin
* One bottle Rum
* One deck Regulation Playing Cards
Get drunk. Play cards. Like you were gonna do anything useful today.
Cocktails for the New Millennium: The Next Millennium, not this one.
The Mali-Booyah!
* One jigger coconut rum
* One bottle NyQuil
Serve chilled if you have a temperature, warm for a cold. Either way, it's the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever so-you-will-never-wake-up-again-and-realize-you're-gonna-die-alone medicine.
Planter's Punch
*2 jiggers Jamaica rum
*1 jigger lime juice
*1/2 jigger simple syrup
*One slave of the Negro persuasion
Why don't you have your slave mix you up a nice punch while you sit on the verandah, you cold-blooded bastard? My God! How do you sleep at night? You sicken me.
The Morning Perk
* One pot black coffee
* One handful Percocet
When you're trying really hard to wake up, only to find you have no reason to.
Slow, Slutty, Double Entendre
* One Sorority Pledge
* 6 pitchers of some sickenly sweet, pink alcoholic mixture (no less than 80 proof)
* One tiny paper parasol
Feed the pledge the pink stuff. Have sex with her.
What? The little umbrella? Just throw that away, dude. Those things are totally gay.
The Vic-ano
* One Liter Vodka
* 12oz Tabasco
* One refillable prescription for Vicodin
Drink the Vodka. Take a lot of Vicodin. Try to talk one of your friends into drinking the Tabasco. Tell him he's a fag if he doesn't. If he asks why you aren't drinking it then, if you're such a non-fag, tell him it's 'cause you're already too spicy, and his mom knows that's the truth, hell yeah, muthafucka, you know what I'm talkin' about. Aww, snap.
The Flaming Homo
* One pint Homogenized Milk
* One match
Light the milk on fire.
What do you mean, "How?" I don't know...fuckin' lighter fluid or something. Do I have to do everything around here? Jesus Christ, you're useless. Just useless.
Bloody Virgin Mary
* Ruphynol
* One 12 year old Catholic School girl
No, you didn't just read that. Move on.
Gin Rummy
* One bottle Gin
* One bottle Rum
* One deck Regulation Playing Cards
Get drunk. Play cards. Like you were gonna do anything useful today.
posted by Karla at 1:48 AM
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