Soup "At Hand" My (At) Ass!
To the makers of Campbell's "Soup at Hand"
Dear Sirs:
Holy shit. Are you kidding me?
I have seen your commercials presenting your product as an ideal choice for "Lunchers on the go." Construction workers and commuters alike are shown enjoying the easy portability of this sippable soup. While I'm rarely "on the go," and I own neither car nor backhoe, I was excited about trying your "Creamy Tomato" soup while at work today (I don't own a microwave either).
Turns out I could have used a backhoe. To deal with the huge pile of disappointment.
Following instructions, I carefully peeled the pull-ring metal top from the can. I swear to god I pulled slowly, evenly, and carefully. Only to have it spring off at the last minute, spraying half the soup in a creamy red volcano, drenching my person, the employee toaster, refrigerator and the coffee pot. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a million tiny dots of tomato soup out of a coffee pot? This is one insidious soup.
Undeterred, I ran a paper towel over my face and proceeded with your careful directions so as to "enjoy a hearty lunch (or at least half of one) in the palm of my hand!" I microwaved it for the suggested 60 seconds and prepared myself, knowing "soup would be very hot."
It wasn't. I stirred it as directed and re-inserted it as "if you wish for a hotter soup, microwave for an additional 15 seconds." I did indeed wish. I did indeed microwave for an additional 15 seconds. Hell, at this point I started suspecting you're all a bunch of filthy liars and I nuked it for 30 seconds.
Despite multiple attempts with varying cooking power and duration to get this fucking soup warmed to an acceptable level, I never achieved anything more than "slightly lukewarm." You suck.
Eventually I gave up, slapped the "convenient sipping lid" on the thing (spraying an additional quarter of the soup back into the coffee pot) and tried to enjoy my soup at hand.
The soup itself was not awful. I prefer creamier tomato soups, and while I found the flavor and consistency of yours identical to the sauce one finds in canned spaghettios, I didn't hate it. But as for convenience? Y'all are full of it. It took me a good 10 minutes to prepare (what should have been) 8oz of soup, not including the 20 minutes of clean up time. Your main selling point is that this is portable soup, easy to take anywhere. I don't know why I would need to take it anywhere because I drank the whole damn thing in less than a minute, standing in front of the microwave.
I really just can't follow the logic behind this one. Technically, yes, I could carry the can of soup around with me, it fits nicely in my grasp. But the amount of preparation required totally defeats the purpose of a lunch that you can allegedly "enjoy anywhere!"
Maybe if you had some sort of rip-cord on it. Pull a string, zzzziiiippp....And the can self-heats. That would be cool. And portable.
But as it is...I'm afraid you won't find Campbell's "Soup at Hand" in my hand anytime soon.
Christ, I'm still trying to get it out of my hair.
Sincerely,
Karla Pacheco
PS. You guys should really talk to the people who make Kraft's "On the Go! Deluxe Single Serve Creamy Cheese and Pasta." Holy shit is that good! Seriously, it's piping hot and perfect in one minute. For real. It's like the really good Velveeta Shells meals we could never afford when I was a kid (we only got the orange powder mix stuff) and it's fucking awesome. It's better than baby Jesus, America and a basket of kittens combined, covered in oozy, delicious cheese. In fact, that's just what it's like...like eating a kitten covered in hot, savory cheese. God, it is soooo good. You should try some. They're 2 for $3 at Walgreen's right now. And they kick the ass out of your fucking pansy soup.
Dear Sirs:
Holy shit. Are you kidding me?
I have seen your commercials presenting your product as an ideal choice for "Lunchers on the go." Construction workers and commuters alike are shown enjoying the easy portability of this sippable soup. While I'm rarely "on the go," and I own neither car nor backhoe, I was excited about trying your "Creamy Tomato" soup while at work today (I don't own a microwave either).
Turns out I could have used a backhoe. To deal with the huge pile of disappointment.
Following instructions, I carefully peeled the pull-ring metal top from the can. I swear to god I pulled slowly, evenly, and carefully. Only to have it spring off at the last minute, spraying half the soup in a creamy red volcano, drenching my person, the employee toaster, refrigerator and the coffee pot. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a million tiny dots of tomato soup out of a coffee pot? This is one insidious soup.
Undeterred, I ran a paper towel over my face and proceeded with your careful directions so as to "enjoy a hearty lunch (or at least half of one) in the palm of my hand!" I microwaved it for the suggested 60 seconds and prepared myself, knowing "soup would be very hot."
It wasn't. I stirred it as directed and re-inserted it as "if you wish for a hotter soup, microwave for an additional 15 seconds." I did indeed wish. I did indeed microwave for an additional 15 seconds. Hell, at this point I started suspecting you're all a bunch of filthy liars and I nuked it for 30 seconds.
Despite multiple attempts with varying cooking power and duration to get this fucking soup warmed to an acceptable level, I never achieved anything more than "slightly lukewarm." You suck.
Eventually I gave up, slapped the "convenient sipping lid" on the thing (spraying an additional quarter of the soup back into the coffee pot) and tried to enjoy my soup at hand.
The soup itself was not awful. I prefer creamier tomato soups, and while I found the flavor and consistency of yours identical to the sauce one finds in canned spaghettios, I didn't hate it. But as for convenience? Y'all are full of it. It took me a good 10 minutes to prepare (what should have been) 8oz of soup, not including the 20 minutes of clean up time. Your main selling point is that this is portable soup, easy to take anywhere. I don't know why I would need to take it anywhere because I drank the whole damn thing in less than a minute, standing in front of the microwave.
I really just can't follow the logic behind this one. Technically, yes, I could carry the can of soup around with me, it fits nicely in my grasp. But the amount of preparation required totally defeats the purpose of a lunch that you can allegedly "enjoy anywhere!"
Maybe if you had some sort of rip-cord on it. Pull a string, zzzziiiippp....And the can self-heats. That would be cool. And portable.
But as it is...I'm afraid you won't find Campbell's "Soup at Hand" in my hand anytime soon.
Christ, I'm still trying to get it out of my hair.
Sincerely,
Karla Pacheco
PS. You guys should really talk to the people who make Kraft's "On the Go! Deluxe Single Serve Creamy Cheese and Pasta." Holy shit is that good! Seriously, it's piping hot and perfect in one minute. For real. It's like the really good Velveeta Shells meals we could never afford when I was a kid (we only got the orange powder mix stuff) and it's fucking awesome. It's better than baby Jesus, America and a basket of kittens combined, covered in oozy, delicious cheese. In fact, that's just what it's like...like eating a kitten covered in hot, savory cheese. God, it is soooo good. You should try some. They're 2 for $3 at Walgreen's right now. And they kick the ass out of your fucking pansy soup.
posted by Karla at 12:49 AM
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