Things I've said I'm gonna blog about (but probably won't)

(Thanks to Dave, Abbie, George)

*That one girl at the Aragon who was totally rocking out, fist in the air, singing along amid a sea of nonplussed concert goers waiting for the opening band to end.

*"The lady at the container store totally blew my mind."

*Calendars and buffet until 2am!

*Macaroni salad

*The Algonquin Kid's Table (Okay, this one is just too good to resist...)

The cartoonist carefully traced it out...Lil' Dottie Parker with a martini glass of milk tossed off a bon mot about naptime, Jimmy Thurber colored with crayons and Bobby Benchly was tweaking the braids of a wee Edna Ferber. As the cartoonist leaned back to examine his handiwork, he smiled confidently. If "The Algonquin Kid's Table" didn't get him into The New Yorker, nothing would.

(Dave or George, I would like this cartoon. Please get on it. Thank You.)

Inexplicable items found in the office refrigerator

Item: A single bell pepper

Item: Full jar of garlic-dill pickle spears, prominently labeled with co-worker's name in metallic pen (three spears later unrepentantly consumed by author)

Item: Two pound bag of very tiny limes (contents of fridge scoured for presence of something that would necessitate limes, i.e., gin, vodka, or similar to no avail.)

Item: 214 packets of Hellman's mayonnaise

Item: 5 bottles of pancake syrup

Item: Ziplock bag of diced tomatoes

Item: Two bunches of celery (per their sharpie scribbled initials, celery and tomatoes did not belong to the same co-worker, eliminating author's original theories of "salad making")

Item: One and one half juice bottles stripped of their original labels (and minus any other identifying marks), containing something "brown"

Item: One unopened jar cocktail olives (Author scours fridge for possible cocktails...Turns up nothing. Checks to see if olives are pimento stuffed. They aren't. Author eats entire damn bottle anyway.)

A Very Trivial (Pursuit) Dialogue 12-22-04

(Or: Jokes so inside that they're almost outside!)

"Okay, here's a clue...He looks like Zim, but with Stinton's blackness."
"What?"
"Like Zim with Stinton's blackness."
"Uh...Wow. It's a TV actor?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. I have no idea, though the mental image is amusing me. Um...Christ, I don't fucking know...Bernie Mac?"
"How the hell did you come up with Bernie Mac???"
"You said Stinton's blackness.."
"I said Stinton's glasses. It was Drew Carey."
"You totally said 'blackness'."

"Wait a minute...Why do you think I look like Drew Carey?"



Bonus comment:

"Zim, you will so be the mack of WNEP if you tell everybody that you got to watch Abbie mount Karla."